2024 Regular Season - Week 10
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 10 Recap
Commissioner Stalin v. Sloppy Joe - Ja’Marr Chase essentially ended this one early on TNF with an absurd 49 point outing, but the rest of the Soviets showed up in full force with Calvin Ridley and Brock Purdy going off and the Soviet LBs combining for 34 points. Sloppy Joe didn’t set a lineup, with Amari Cooper firmly planted in the WR slot despite being out from the get go. The Slop’s entire roster was miserable so the injured receiver didn’t matter much, but this is exactly what we like to see late in the season from teams still firmly alive in the playoff hunt. Commissioner Stalin is now 6-4 while Sloppy Joe falls to 4-6
Boof v. Coach Rubs - Logan’s team is so bad man. Brian Robinson didn’t even play as he once again doesn’t set a lineup, but it didn’t matter at all as only two of Logan’s guys scored double digits across his entire starting lineup. Boof needed a lucky break to get off the schnide, and he sure got it here facing the worst team in the league who also isn’t setting lineups. Brock breaks a big losing streak to advance to 6-4, dropping Logan to a well deserved 2-8 in the process
The Sneaky Greek v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - The Ganja Farmers came out smoking this week with big games from Lamar and Bijan Robinson to get them to the 200 point mark and get a big divisional win over the Sneaky Greek to avenge a tough loss back in the season opener. Djavan got 30 points out of his linebackers and 14 combined from his special teams, but the real story here is the Greek quarterbacks. Zack decided to roll out Joe Flacco and -checks notes- Cooper Rush at QB in an attempt to stop the two game skid, which is definitely how you do it. Rush responded with -2.8 points after throwing for 45 passing yards on 23 attempts. That is not a typo. Both Zack and Djavan are now 4-6 and somehow fighting for the final wild card position and perhaps even the division in the yogurt soft East
Q v. The Kosher Nostra - He did it! Q set a lineup! And look at that, he won! The curds have to be extra moldy after this tough loss to division rival Q and a measly 150 point outing from Team Wisconsin. The Kosher Nostra offense collapsed entirely, with only Jalen Hurts and the two RBs hitting double digit points, and both backs doing it just barely. A solid bagel from LB Troy Andersen didn’t help the cause, as Q was able to sneak out a victory despite being held under 170 points for the 8th time in 10 weeks. Mike should’ve started Bo Nix over Tua, which would have been obvious if Mike knew ball, but sadly he does not. The loss drops the Kosher Nostra to 7-3 and brings the Los Angeles Queues to 3-7 on the year
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Toll Booth v. The Law Firm - The GOTW turned out to be a low scoring defensive battle, with Nikki squeaking out a tight win thanks to Joe Burrow and Josh Allen carrying her squad over divisional rival Any. The Law Firm rosters 5 QBs, but saw only one of them score double digits this week which turned out to be the difference in a close ten point game. Nikki had just 4 starters score double digit points, but only one player on the Law Firm breaking the 15-point threshold turned out to seal the deal for Anthony as he puts up his lowest score in the last three weeks. Nikki is now 8-2 and atop the league, while Any, Esq. falls to 6-4
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Coach Rubs wins the Bold Play award for week 10 with Brian Robinson, who didn’t play. Hell yeah
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
In the easiest Scoop award so far this season, the Greeks win here for snagging Cowboys QB Cooper Rush, who proceeded to put up -2.8 points. Zack lost
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Cooper Rush come on what are we doing here
.playoff picture
Let’s go peasants, almost harvest time!
READ THE PLAYOFF PREVIEWS, GET YOUR SCYTHES, AND GET BACK TO WORK!
The Toll Booth - The only franchise to clinch a playoff spot so far this season, the Brits are in prime position to get the first overall seed with winnable games against the Ganja Farmers and basement Coach Rubs in her last four weeks. The other two games could spell danger - tough divisional games against the Law Firm and Commissioner Stalin - but her point totals are too good to ignore and she’ll likely get the top seed and a first round bye
The Kosher Nostra - Team Wisconsin is one game back of Nikki for the league lead, but has two tough divisional games coming up b2b against the Italians followed by two losable games against Boof and the Greeks. He rolled out a big five game winning streak in the middle of the year and has to be feeling good with four 200 point performances on the season, but he’s got the toughest remaining schedule of any squad and he might end up doing something sketchy. Perhaps our Wisconsin based Meyer Lansky can pull it off, but with the Toll Booth standing in his way a jostling for wild card position is likely
Commissioner Stalin - A 5-1 record in the last 6 weeks puts the Soviets in a prime position to lock up a home game in the wild card round, with two winnable games against the Queues and the Ganja Farmers to round out the season. The biggest matchup remaining for the Soviets is the Gravy Bowl II in week 12, a divisional game against the Law Firm that will likely determine wild card seeding, but the 2nd highest scoring team this season is in good spot to blow it in the playoffs yet again. Don’t be surprised to see them lose to Q and then get smoked by Anthony to blow it even before then. Stay tuned
Boof - Benefiting from playing in a yogurt soft East Division as usual, Boof has a 2-game hold on the division and can close it out with wins in the next two weeks against two of the three teams chasing him in the Ganja Farmers and the Greeks. The 5th highest scoring team in the league is on the schnide, however, losing 4 of their last 5 with the only win coming against Coach Rubs (last place) and needing a reset. The next two weeks will determine Boof’s outcome, because this divisional lead can disappear quickly with such a completely poor division across the board and a poor roster to boot. His solution in week 11? Starting Mac Jones, now a Jaguar, at quarterback. Hell yeah
The Law Firm - The Law Firm is on fire with a 6-1 record in the last two months and running strong. The Firm is currently tied with the Soviets in record and chasing both the Curds and the Toll Booth in the division, but two games against Q and Sloppy Joe to round out the year will surely give this team at least 8 total wins and see them through into the wild card round. Fun fact: Anthony is 0-6 in the wild card round all time - he had a first round bye and won the semifinals last year for his only playoff win in the modern IDP era. Is this the year? Jameis Winston (on Anthony’s roster) thinks so
HI-Life Ganja Farmers - The Ganja Farmers have the best chance of dethroning Boof and winning the East as they are the 3rd highest scoring team in the league, but it will take beating Boof himself next week and a little help from everyone else as he comes in two full games back of first. Tough battles against Nikki and the Soviets are coming up, but he also has a winnable game against Sloppy Joe in week 13 to catch up. One of the 4-6 teams is going to sneak in (or maybe q or Logan LOL), and perennial playoff participant Djavan is in a good position to be the one unless he blows it along the way
The Sneaky Greek - But, as always, here come the Greeks to muck things up, throwing tzatziki all over the room in the form of a wild card team that’s been rolling out the likes of Cooper Rush (-2.8 points in week 10) and Will Levis all year at quarterback. As we all could’ve guessed, his team consists of the entire Steelers offense and a funky bunch of autodrafted skill position players that Zack had never heard of a single time before Labor Day. Nonetheless, Pittsburgh’s golden boy comes in tied for the last wild card spot and riding a 3 game losing streak with 3 winnable games remaining on the schedule before inevitably getting crushed by Big Mike in week 14. Can his homer Pittsburgh squad do it? Probably not
Sloppy Joe - Speaking of homers, let’s not forget about Sloppy Joe. Nobody’s ever sure if he’s actually in the draft, his roster regardless of that is still somehow always littered with Bears, and his response to the commissioner’s office request for draft time was “Am I still in the league?”, but here he sits tied for the last wild card position at 4-6 with two other wildly mediocre teams. Joe is - by far - the lowest scoring team in the league, but who cares when you have 3 games remaining against other teams below .500 on the season? Check out how consistent Joe is with his scoring:
For starters that’s a hefty 4 game schnide, but check that consistency man. In literally half of his games, he’s scored between 160 and 170 points. At no point has he gone higher. Literally not one single time. But who cares when you have this kinda defense? Joe’s 4-6, baby, just like that 1980’s Buddy Ryan defense, and that’s all that matters. Let’s bears
9. Q - It’s incredible that Q is still alive for a wild card spot at 3-7, but here we are just one game back. Stuck in the dominant North Division as always, the second lowest scoring team in the league has been setting lineups in only half of his games and has had a strange season. His only three wins came when he scored below 165 points, and the two weeks he decided to set a lineup and scored above 180 he lost both times. His remaining schedule features three teams with winning records in Boof, the Soviets, and the Law Firm, but anything can happen when you have a bizarre collection like RB7 Chuba Hubbard, WR8 Darnell Mooney, and a great QB room featuring Andy Dalton and his very own Gardner Minshew. If anyone can pull this off and make an insane run to the finals, it’s probably Q
10. Coach Rubs - DAWG. Dammit dawg alright lemme tell ya what happened. We drafted Brian Robinson in the 6th round, and somehow that still turned out to be the best pick of our draft. We got 3 - count ‘em, 3 - top 10 receivers, a top 5 quarterback, three top 10 defenders, and Justin Tucker. We’re 2-8. Dawg, I dunno. Let’s check. Welp, after startin’ 1-2 and gettin’ smoked by Nikki in week 3, we started an injured Maxx Crosby in week 4 and lost to Zack by 2.8 points. Yep, you read that righ. Not settin’ the lineup cost us an easy win, and that started the downfall, baby. Oil stock tanked, real bayd. We came back tho baby, won a tigh one against DJ in week fahve, but theyn I didn’t set a lineup again in week six, Travis E-tienne got negative point one points hwhat the heyll is that, Salvy kicked ma ass and that was it. Haven’t won since. I played an injured punter in week 7 and lost to Anthony by 3 points even though he only scored 121 points that’s bullshiyt, then I kept that same punter in for week 8 even though he was still hurt and so Big Mike had to kick ma ass. Week nine? Same thang. That time though I played THREE injured guys, including that same punter, and Djavan had to kick ma ass. Don’t worry though baby, I changed the punter out last week but I messed up and kept Brian Robinson in and he was hurt again and that’s ma bayd. Brok had to kick ma ass that time and here we are mayn, 2-8, I dunno.
Ma wife’s gon’ be pissed
Actual footage of Logan’s Coach following last week’s loss against the San Francisco BoofNiners:
Week 11 preview
The Toll Booth v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - The Ganja Farmers are coming in hot riding a three game winning streak after a brutal 1-6 start to the season, but they face their toughest test yet in the form of the Toll Booth, currently atop the league standings at 8-2 and with the most points scored by a decent margin. The byes are coming into play here for Djavan with James Conner and QB18 Daniel Jones off this week, but Nikki has to deal with byes of her own as Bryce Young is off this week. The ESPN overlords predict a large win for Nikki, and the commissioner’s office is inclined to agree
Coach Rubs v. Sloppy Joe - Did you read the playoff preview section? This is one of the best games ever. We all know what we are gonna get out of Sloppy Joe, so the real question here is can Logan hit the magic number of 170 and get his first win since week 5? He hasn’t been setting lineups which usually isn’t a good start, but anything can happen when you face the Slop. Da IRL Bears have a big home game against the Packers this week, so I’m sure they’ll collapse like a lung and Joe will hang around the lower part of his normal score and drop 160. If CJ Stroud and Jayden Daniels decide to play football this week, and of course can’t forget 6th round talent Brian Robinson, Logan could squeak this one out. And he’s gonna need it, he’s directly in line to pay trophy shipping with how bad this team is
Commissioner Stalin v. Q - Coming off of a huge win after setting a lineup, the Los Angeles Queues are feeling so good they currently are starting 3 guys on a bye week. The Soviets, meanwhile, are coming off of their fourth 200-point game of the season and are projected to win by nearly 60. If history has taught us anything, it’s that Commissioner Stalin will collapse like a lung when it matters most and that the Soviets play down to opponents like nobody else. A week 3 battle between these two teams saw Q get a win despite only scoring 150 points as the Soviets just couldn’t get anything going. Is a season sweep in order for the Queues? Probably
The Law Firm v. The Kosher Nostra - In what probably should be the game of the week if our league wasn’t completely absurd, we have a critical battle in the North Division between the Kosher Nostra and the Law Firm with serious seeding results on the line. The 6-4 Law Firm comes in off a tough loss that snapped their 6-game winning streak, while the Kosher Nostra comes off of an even worse L against Q which snapped a five game winning streak of his own. Mike snuck out a tight win way back in week 3, but a newly rebranded Cooper DePeen squad is ready to right the ship and take the league by storm yet again. In 7 of the 10 seasons both of these franchises have been in the league, the season series has ended in a sweep. We’ll see if Big Mike can keep those curds squeakin’
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Boof v. The Sneaky Greek - On the surface, the 6-4 division leader facing the 4-6 team with no quarterbacks should be an easy prediction and definitely not the GOTW, but this is the Chobani-soft East Division of the CSFFL. Zack has somehow strung together 4 wins despite having a literally nonexistent QB room for most of the season, and Boof has been the streakiest team we’ve seen in recent memory with a 5-0 start followed by 4 huge L’s and then getting off the schnide with a free win against Coach Rubs and his unset lineup last week. Got all that? Good, because none of it matters. Just look at the QB matchups here: We got Geno Smith and Mac Jones (not a joke) facing off against Will Levis and the recently un-benched Anthony Richardson. None of that is fake, and we actually get to watch this matchup play out in a game that somehow has serious divisional title implications. What more could you ask for?