2024 Regular Season - Week 7
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 7 Recap
Commissioner Stalin v. Boof - A trio of Soviet RBs saw the Soviets drop 200 for the third week in a row, with Tank Bigsby somehow scoring 23 en route to a big victory for Stalin. Mark Andrews finally remembered how to football with his first TD of the year, while Boof’s TE Sam LaPorta continued to struggle with just 3 points. Brock had a solid showing with 186 points on the board at the end of the week, but Trey Sermon just couldn’t get it done in a tough loss to the Soviets. Brock loses his 2nd straight and falls to 5-2 while the Soviets are 4-3 and above .500 for the first time since week 1
The Law Firm v. Coach Rubs - Guys. What happened. 121-118? Anthony’s QBs scored literally 42% of his points this week with 51. He had one (1) other guy put up double digits - Garrett Wilson with 11.6 - and had six (6) guys score 3 or less points. He won. Logan on the other hand, saw 11 of his starts put up between 3 and 8 points for a grand total of 118, and didn’t start a punter and would’ve won if he did. What are we doing guys. Coach Rubs falls to 2-5 and Anthony is, somehow, 4-3
The Toll Booth v. The Sneaky Greek - It’s really just incredible stuff. Zack pulled out yet another absurd victory, this time with Aiden O’Connell and Tyler Huntley at QB, to squeak out a tight one over the Brits. Saquon, Kenneth Walker, and Zack’s very own George Pickens had big games to lead the Greeks to victory, while Nikki’s RBs in Alvin Kamara and JK Dobbins came crashing down to earth in poor performances. Nikki still scored a respectable 175 as Josh Allen and Justin Jefferson tried to keep it afloat, but it wasn’t enough to get by the Greek defense and gives her a rough L. The Toll Booth drops to 5-2 while Zack moves to 4-3 with the win
The Kosher Nostra v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - The Ganja Farmers lose another close one this week, putting up 182 and still catching a rough L to the Kosher Nostra in one of the best matchups of the week. Djavan’s big guns all came to play, with Lamar, Bijan, James Conner, and Kyren Williams all putting up 20+, but the curds were just too squeaky this week on the other side. Jahmyr Gibbs, Breece Hall, and Jalen Hurts kept pace with the Ganja Farmer stars and the rest of Mike’s lineup - including the defense - managed to outpace the rest of the farmers. Mike’s kicker dropped 14 while Djavan’s scored just 2, a massive 12 point swing in a 9 point win. Just sayin’. Mike is now 5-2 while Djavan is 1-6 and so deep in the basement we need to throw him a rope
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Q v. Sloppy Joe - This league is the best. I made this the GOTW assuming neither team would set lineups. They both did (hooray!), but the result we got was just incredible. Let’s just run through the highlights real fast here:
10 players combined - on both teams - scored double digit points
Q got -0.7 from one of his QBs (Andy Dalton hell yeah)
Q got two bagels, from guys that actually played, in addition to his -0.7 from a QB
Q won because Joe, despite starting a full squad, couldn’t even hit 110 points
Love to see it. Somehow, neither one of these teams are last (sorry Djavan), with Q at 2-5 and Joe somehow at 3-4. Let’s go
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Big Mike wins the Bold Play Award for week 7 by starting Big Dix Bo Nix, who dropped 13 en route to a tight W over Djavan
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
This week’s scoop goes to the Law Firm for picking up Cooper DeJean, Eagles DB. He scored a critical 8 points in the 3 point win in the second worst game of all time
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Joe’s entire team wins this one for actually playing and scoring a combined 109. Hell yeah
.Week 8 preview
Boof v. The Law Firm - The Battle of Taunton Trace here in week 8 with both teams coming in on a heater. Boof is projected to get the win, but Any is firing lately and hoping to keep the streak going. His real decision is which of his 15 quarterbacks to start, as the Boof Squad has a high floor and Any will need to select the right one to keep up. With only 12 games played between these two teams all time, this is one of the least played but best rivalries we have. Let’s see if it lives up to the hype
Sloppy Joe v. The Toll Booth - Sloppy Joe is coming off of a hilariously bad showing, but at least he started a full lineup. He’s currently got a full lineup in this week so he’s off to a good start, but he’s facing off against the Toll Booth, who is the highest scoring team in the league by a wide margin. Joe’s entire team is Bears - again - so we’ll see if they can keep up with Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, Alvin Kamara, and Justin Jefferson. Lol. Nikki is projected to wax that ass, and the league front office is inclined to agree
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Q - Despite being the 5th highest scoring team in the league, the Ganja Farmers find themselves at the bottom of the standings with a 1-5 record due to having the most points against, which seems to happen to them often. This week, however, they face a very beatable opponent in Q, who actually has a full lineup in for once and got 24 points from Staffy on TNF in addition to a solid 7.75 from Rip Van Ginkel. This is projected to be a high scoring and close game, and it’s a must win for Djavan. One of these teams will likely take home trophy shipping awards, and it’s the only time they play this season so this is the tiebreaker to decide trophy shipping if they end up with identical records. This exact situation has happened once before with Djavan and Q. The result? They tied.
Coach Rubs v. The Kosher Nostra - Two teams with very different situations here, as Logan sits at 2-5 and needing a win badly while Mike is currently 5-2 and trying to dethrone the Brits atop the North Division standings. Team Wisconsin is projected to blow out the Texans, which is obvious since Logan’s team is so bad, but who knows what will actually happen. Coach Rubs has Russell Wilson and Dalton Schultz in his starting lineup, so it’s not looking good. That said, Big Mike is rolling out - again - Bo Nix. Anything can happen here, and we are here for it
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Sneaky Greek v. Commissioner Stalin - We have a great battle this week in the Popeye’s GOTW between two founding fathers - the Soviets and the Greeks. Both teams come in at 4-3 and off big wins against top teams, and this game could have a massive impact on wild card seeding down the road. Puka decided last minute to play on TNF, and ended up dropping 14.6 for Commissioner Stalin to outscore IRL teammate Cooper Kupp, who started on the opposite side of this matchup for Zack. The real issue here is that Zack, as of 24 hours before kickoff, has only one QB. But, he’s playing the Soviets, so it probably won’t matter. -whispers in ear- let’s riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide