2024 Regular Season - semi finals

WHO HAS PAID

Commissioner Stalin

The Toll Booth

Coach Rubs

The Kosher Nostra

Boof

The Sneaky Greek

WHO HASN’T PAID

Q

Sloppy Joe

HI-Life Ganja Farmers

The Law Firm

PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!

Wild card RECAP

(5) The Law Firm v. (4) Commissioner Stalin - Gravy Bowl III Wild Card Edition was somehow the better of the two games on wild card weekend, with the scoring margin coming down to a Cooper DeJean (defensive back) fumble and home field advantage for the Soviets making the win look better than it was. The game went all the way to Monday night, with the Firm rolling out QB Sammy Darnold and the Soviets having a slight lead and with TJ Hockenson remaining, who scored just enough to seal a big win for the Soviets. It started off poorly for Stalin on TNF, with Boof Purdy and Deebo Samuel combining for less than 7 points between them, but Jared “Hawg” Goff showed up and dropped 40 to power the Soviets to their first postseason victory since a 2020 win against this same Law Firm squad. Anthony is now 0-7 all time in the wild card round and really needs to get it together. Jaylen Waddle got him a solid bagel to really assist in the effort as the LBs and special teams turned out to be the most efficient parts of the squad in the loss, but his bench didn’t look much better as it featured the likes of Jameis Winston’s -1.2 day in a really good looking L to the Chiefs. The Soviets limp to a weak victory in the wild card round and now face a rough passage through the Toll Booth in the semis where a beatdown is likely in order

(6) The Sneaky Greek v. (3) The Kosher Nostra - In one of the worst playoff games in recent memory, Mike rolled to one of his easiest wins of the season with an 84 point shelling of the Greeks, scoring 222 points in the process. Zack put up absolutely zero fight, with his only respectable showings being Josh Jacobs and AJ Brown both barely cracking the 20 point plateau, but the real story here is quarterback Will Levis. Mayo boy somehow got the starting nod for a playoff team in the greatest fantasy league on earth and he responded with 89 passing yards on 12 attempts featuring three (3) picks and a fumble. To save you the math on trying to calculate those fantasy points, Slim Willy took the ball from Coach Bettis and ran into the huddle to start a wild card game and came back with -5 points on the day. Zack would have been better off literally not starting anyone at all in the other QB slot. It really didn’t matter after Cooper Kupp’s TNF bagel with no lox and the rest of the Greek lineup dropping single digits, but still. The Will Levis run was fun while it lasted, but Bettis Boy bows out in the wild card round for the second year in a row. This is Mike’s second consecutive win on wild card weekend after missing out on the postseason entirely in both 2021 and 2022 - the only times the franchise has missed the playoffs in its history - but he lost a tough semifinal to the Law Firm last season in a high scoring battle. He gets a very winnable semifinal this time around facing Brock, the champion of the Chobani Division, and if he does he’ll be in the finals for the first time since the 2020 Rona Bowl when he won his third title in franchise history by defeating, you guessed it, Brock

playoffS

Let’s pour another one out for the scrubs that just couldn’t hang, adding in the two wild card loser clowns

10 (Trophy Shipping Clown) - Coach Rubs

9 - Sloppy Joe

8 - Q

7 - The Ganja Farmers

6 - The Sneaky Greek

5 - The Law Firm

semi final PREVIEW

(1) The Toll Booth v. (4) Commissioner Stalin - Nikki comes in as the one seed with just three L’s on the season and having scored over 200 points in 4 of her last 6 games to face a Soviet squad that needed a DB fumble and home field to squeak by the Law Firm in the all-smelt wild card round. The Soviets needed that win, their first postseason win since 2020, but the Toll Booth is looking to end an even longer drought and is searching for her first postseason dub since her Cinderella run to the championship game way back in 2017. She qualified for just two playoffs in that span, losing b2b wild card games in 2021 & 2022, but comes in hot as the undisputed regular season champion of 2024 and setting records for points in the process (maybe). These teams have actually never met in the playoffs in history, mostly because Nikki usually misses them, but this will be a huge game for these divisional rivals. After winning the much superior North Division and giving her team a week off to rest, England RB Alvin Kamara responded by getting hurt on the week off and forcing Nikki to roll out Ameer Abdullah in a critical semifinal. The Soviets, meanwhile, scooped Kamara’s replacement Kendre Miller off waivers and are starting him in the flex on MNF, meaning this semifinal will likely come down to the Spencer Rattler-led Saints on primetime. That’s what playoff football is all about

(2) Boof v. (3) The Kosher Nostra - Boof comes into the semifinal round feeling good, fresh off the franchise’s 2nd ever division title and first since 2020 to lock in the 2-seed from living in the inferior division, and his reward is a 2nd round date with Mike. The Cheese was the 2nd highest scoring team in the regular season and comes in hot with 200 point games in three out of his last five, including last week’s blowout win over the Greeks. This is just the fourth time in franchise history that Brock has made the postseason and has the least playoff appearances of any active franchise, and in 3 out of those 4 occurrences he has had to play Big Mike. Brock is 0-2 against him in the postseason all time with a wild card loss in his 2017 playoff debut as well as a fat L in the 2020 championship game feat. Rona to give Mike his 3rd championship overall. Mike is currently projected to smoke him thanks once again to QB God Bo Nix, so we’ll see if Boof can pull out a miracle win