2024 Regular Season - Week 3
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
Boof
WHO HASN’T PAID
The Sneaky Greek
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 3 Recap
Q v. Commissioner Stalin - In an unbearably boring and low scoring game, the Soviets fell to team Q despite nobody on Q’s squad scoring over 20 points. In what has to be a record, the Soviets had three (3) guys with bagels despite playing in the game, which is really just impressive. Q’s quarterbacks Anthony Richardson and Gardnew Minshew combined for less than 20 points, and his most consistent position was his DBs who both scored double digits. Nonetheless, a win is a win, and Q and Stalin are now both 2-3 after the matchup
The Toll Booth v. Coach Rubs - Nikki is on an absolute tear this year, finally recovered from Brexit and putting up points despite a really solid 0.3 from Rhamondre Stevenson on TNF. Josh Allen and Joe Burrow combined to blow by 50 points for the Toll Booth, and her WRs tallied 40+ as a group to lead her to yet another 200-point week, which she’s hit in all 3 games so far this year. Not that this week it really mattered, because Logan’s team is so bad man. Who is Ceedee Lamb dude what are you doing. Logan is now 1-2 as Nikki is 3-0 and off to an unbelievable start after finally paying the league fee on time
Boof v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - Speaking of absurd starts to the season, how about Boof sitting at 3-0?? His first 200-point outing of 2024 gave him a critical and high scoring win over division rival Djavan, who put up a respectable 189 behind Lamar and Kyren Williams. Boof’s Lion crew continued to provide him with a steady stream of points, while Aaron Jones turned back the clock and dropped a 20 piece of his own. The Ganja Farmers had a good week and would’ve beaten many other teams, but Boof just sucked him right on in and he could do nothing about it. Djavan is now 1-2 while Boof is 3-0 and in firm grasp of the East
The Kosher Nostra v. The Law Firm - The theme of the week was boring and low scoring grudge matches, and this one was no different with Big Mike and the Cheeseheads coming out on top after a real eyesore versus Any, Esq. Anthony can’t feel good about leaving actual QB5 Sam Darnold on his bench (play your studs) in a close loss, instead opting for Sneaky Squeaky Kirk and his 10 points. Mike came into the week real nervous about his QB room after Tua’s scary injury, but somehow All Pix Bo Nix pulled an 18 point game out of nowhere to give Team Wisconsin a close and boring victory. The Kosher Nostra moves to 2-1 with the victory while the Law Firm is now 0-4 and surely hitting the panic button
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Sneaky Greek v. Sloppy Joe - This game went exactly as expected, with Joe scoring right in his wheelhouse with 169 points and Zack’s team just being terrible and not being able to beat a team that only scored 169 points. It will never not be funny how many Bears Joe rosters and starts, but it got him the victory this week as Caleb Williams appeared to have remembered how to football. The Greeks were decimated by injuries, but it doesn’t really matter when you’re rolling out Jacoby Biscuits and Justin Fields at quarterback. Sloppy Joe somehow sits at 2-1 with the easy win and the Greeks are now at 1-2 as they try to figure it out
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
He didn’t really have a choice, but Big Mike rolling out Bo Nix at quarterback is just incredible. Bo responding with almost 20 points? Even better
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
The Scoop of Week 3 goes to Nikki, who picked up Saints DL Carl Granderson, who dropped 13.5 en route to another 200 point victory for the Toll Booth
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
The YOU BLEW IT Award for week 3 easily goes to Rashid Shaheed, Mark Andrews, and Ka’imi Fairbairn, who all scored a solid zero (0) in a very tight loss for the Soviets despite their opponent barely cracking 150. Thanks fellas
.The cowboys suck Law Firm editorial, from any, esq.
DEFENSE DOES NOT WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS presented by Primos
-buffering-
Week 4 preview
Q v. Boof - This game should be a formality, with Boof coming in hot and bothered at 3-0 while Q barely cracked 150 points last week. Q is rolling out some questionable skill position players led by Hunter Henry and Zamir White against Brock’s core of Detroit Lions and Dak. We all know projections mean nothing, but Brock is currently projected to win by almost 30 points so it’s looking like the writing is on the wall here for Q. Look for a big Boofin’ victory here this week
Commissioner Stalin v. The Law Firm - The first edition of the 2024 Gravy Bowl here as both Stalin and Any, Esq. come in as maybe the two worst teams in the entire league. These teams are bad, man. Like, neither team is projected to even crack 160, bad. Not even gonna preview this one. The Law Firm gonna squeak by on something absurd so both teams are floundering at 1-3 in the basement
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Sloppy Joe - Joe is actually projected to score 174 this week, but that’s doubtful and he’ll probably score his usual high-160s and call it a day. The Ganja Farmers, historically one of the league’s stronger franchises, are struggling in the early parts of 2024 and projected to score just 171 this week against a very beatable and Sloppy defense. A hugely bold move from Djavan playing Danny Dimes on TNF instead of waiting for Jordan Love’s injury to get cleared up before Sunday could come back to hurt him, but we’ll see if Danny’s 9 points were enough (lol)
The Toll Booth v. The Kosher Nostra - Nikki looks like the team to beat this year, and she looks to right the ship in her overall rivalry against Mike (6-15 all time) coming into this week 4 matchup. She already got double digits from both her kicker and a linebacker and she’s projected for over 200 points yet again, so Mike will need all the help he can get from All Pix Bo Nix and crew. It could be a close game, but that’s not likely and Booth will probably cruise to her 4th victory of the year. Unless Bo has anything to say about it…
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Coach Rubs v. The Sneaky Greek - Apsshhhhhhh. Clearly the GOTW here, with one of the best and most storied rivalries in league history (tied for 3rd most H2H games all time with 27) gives us another edition here, and it should be just as terrible as all the rest of them in this rivalry’s history. Logan got a 20-piece from CD Lamb Cakes on TNF, and wouldn’t you know it, these two are projected to literally tie as of this writing. Not even gonna keep this preview going, because it doesn’t get better than this. Let’s go
