2024 Regular Season - Week 2

WHO HAS PAID

Commissioner Stalin

The Toll Booth

Coach Rubs

The Kosher Nostra

Boof

WHO HASN’T PAID

The Sneaky Greek

Q

Sloppy Joe

HI-Life Ganja Farmers

The Law Firm

PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!

Week 2 Recap

Commissioner Stalin v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - When your best performers are your kicker and (bonafide WR1) Rashid Shaheed, you probably aren’t walking out with a win. Alas, the Soviets fell short this week against the Ganja Farmers for the 6th time in a row as they have not beaten them since 2018. Djavan knew he had it when Aidan Hutchinson went off for five (5) sacks and Davante Adams scored a touchdown as the Raiders somehow beat the Ravens in Baltimore. It didn’t matter that Djavan started Evan Engram who DIDN’T PLAY UNBELIEVABLE but both the Ganja Farmers and the Soviets are now 1-1 as they look forward to their pivotal week 14 clash to close out the regular season. Fun fact: that will be the first time since 2013 these franchises have faced each other twice in one season

Sloppy Joe v. Coach Rubs - Coach Rubs bounced back in a big way this week against surprise week one winner Sloppy Joe, with his WR trio of CD, Zay & Godwin leading the way. League sources had to double check, but yes Joe actually did start a full roster despite scoring such a low point total yet again. He left Marvin Harrison Jr on the bench in favor of Jayden Reid (Malik Willis played QB) and Amari Cooper (Browns), and that pretty much tells the tale. Sloppy Joe and Coach Rubs are both 1-1 after a wild two weeks to open the season for both franchises

The Law Firm v. The Toll Booth - Nikki is the team to beat, blowing by 200 points in b2b weeks to open the season. Alvin Kamara led the way this week with his insane 4 touchdown performance, and JK Dobbins didn’t get hurt and once again dominated on the ground to propel the western Europeans to victory. The Law Firm’s struggles continue after taking CMC 1.01 and having him subsequently go on the IR and also not having his backup which is just wild, but here we are with Aaron Rodgers and Derrick Henry leading the way. The league office also had to double check that the Law Firm set a lineup, as he also put up b2b unbearably low scores. Turns out, his team is just bad. Nikki is 2-0 as she drops Any, Esq. to a rough 0-2 start

The Kosher Nostra v. Q - Welp. This definitely should’ve been the game of the week, but oh well. It was a back and forth game that went down to the wire until the literal end of Monday Night Football and over the 200 point threshold with 20 point performances permeating through both lineups.

Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD

The Sneaky Greek v. Boof - Our only battle of 1-0 teams here ended without fanfare as Zack’s terrible team came crashing back down to earth with a mediocre performance. George Kittle was the only one who really did anything, and the rest of his team is just bad and didn’t produce. Boof Wellington got a big game from Kyler and solid performances throughout the rest of his offense, which is essentially just the Lions, but it was enough to get the win here this week against the Greeks. Brock is an undefeated 2-0 while the Greeks are now 1-1 and scrambling for a quarterback

Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon

This week’s Bold Play Award was the starting of Sneaky Kirk away in Philly on MNF over Baker Mayfield and his 2-0 on fire start. Great work by the Law Firm here as they start 0-2

Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops

The Scoop of Week 2 goes to the Kosher Nostra for taking Patriots DB Marcus Jones, who scored 9 in a huge W over division rival Q

YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler

A dual champion this week for the YOU BLEW IT Award for week 2, with week 1 opponents Sloppy Joe and Any, Esq. continuing their terrible start by both scoring record lows yet again. How long can youse keep this up?

The cowboys suck Law Firm editorial, from any, esq.

DEFENSE DOES NOT WIN CHAMPIONSHIPS presented by Giovanni’s Shrimp truck

Sponsorship change - turns out Primo’s is a top donor to the Big Defense Super PAC so we’ve pivoted to a sponsor that would never do that to us. Nothing screams offense like garlic shrimp and rice

Welcome back to the week 2 analysis of why defense in fantasy is dumb. If not for the hipsters and their quadrupole IPA graham cracker ales just wanting to be different we could have a red blooded American fantasy league. But alas. To review the hypothesis: IDP players do not matter and the team who’s offensive players (qb, rb, wr, te, flex, k) outscore their opponents offensive players will win more often than not.

WEEK 2 - Teams with higher scoring offenses went 5-0 *insert surprised pikachu meme* *insert Owen Wilson saying “wow”* Nikki vs Ant - winner Nikki Nikki offense - 167.4 (would’ve beaten me if she benched her entire defense) Ant offense - 96.4; Djavan vs Sal - winner Djavan Djavan offense - 127 Sal offense - 91.3; Logan vs Joe - winner Logan Logan offense - 140.6 Joe offense - 61.2 (yo Joe) Battis vs Brock - winner Brock Battis offense - 104.4 Brock offense - 124.3 Big Mike vs Q - winner Big Mike Big Mike offense - 148.9 Q offense - 140.8

Total Season record - 9-1

Week 3 preview

Q v. Commissioner Stalin -

The Toll Booth v. Coach Rubs -

Boof v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers -

The Kosher Nostra v. The Law Firm -

Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD

The Sneaky Greek v. Sloppy Joe -