2024 Regular Season - Week 13
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 13 rECAP
The Kosher Nostra v. Boof - Mike blew it at QB again, leaving Tua on the bench instead of Bo Nix what were you thinking man. Will Dissly dropping a bagel didn’t help, and Mike scored one of his lowest point totals of the season in a rough loss to Boof. Brock managed to score 180 this week behind consistent offensive performances and a little help from his defense, and now sits at 7-6 and clinging on for dear life in the East. Big Mike has dropped to 9-4 with the loss but is still locked into playoffs
The Toll Booth v. Commissioner Stalin - As expected, Nikki blew away the Soviets with yet another 200 point outing as Josh Allen and Boof Bowers combined for 52 and her special teams kicked in 19 for added fun. Commissioner Stalin collapsed as usual and gave us a really nice 159 points, highlighted by Boof Purdy and his 1.4 score that is definitely not how you do it in this league. Nikki is 10-3 and still controlling the league (classic Brits really) while the Soviets are 7-6 and barely holding on to a playoff spot
Q v. The Law Firm - Anthony Bowl II was an epically low scoring battle, with Q somehow pulling off another victory with a sub-160 point outing. One of his best players was kicker Chris Boswell - again - but it doesn’t really matter when the Law Firm is dropping 140. Any, Esq. obviously should’ve started Jameis Winston, who dropped 32, but instead opted to roll out Baker Mayfield as if that was a good option with his 9.8 points. Anthony, Esq. also got a nice bagel from DL Will Anderson, which I’m sure he’s happy about since he hates defense, but nonetheless a fat L is what he gets here. Q is 5-8 and riding his first winning streak of the whole season as he drops the Law Firm to 7-6
The Sneaky Greek v. Coach Rubs - Yet again, Logan loses by less than 10 points while starting multiple guys that aren’t playing in his lineup. Logan not only has severely negatively affected the league this season, but he actually could’ve made the playoffs if he tried even slightly. Zack only put up 159 in a must-win game, and Logan somehow cobbled together 152 despite two bagels in his lineup. Killing me. An investigation will be done into Coach Rubs at the end of this season for collusion, but nonetheless Zack now moves to 7-6 and is trying to catch Brock in the yogurt soft East
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Sloppy Joe v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - This actually did turn out to be the game of the week here with both teams going off and scoring over 190, which is a miracle considering one of the teams was Sloppy Joe. The Bears managed to score 20 on the Lions, and Joe’s Bears propelled him to the high score despite catching a fat L. That’ll happen when you run into superstar running back Rico Dowdle and his 19.8 point game to combine with actual studs like Lamar and Bijan, but the Ganja Farmers have to be feeling good after a 211 point win and are now 6-7 on the year after a super slow 1-6 start. Sloppy Joe is now 5-8, with all five wins coming while scoring under 170 points and losing every game in which he’s scored more than 170 points (0-2). Can’t make this stuff up
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Big Mike once again wins here, but not in a good way. Here he wins for starting Bo Nix once again instead of actual QB Tua. Mike lost. Come on Mike
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
The scoop of the week goes to Commissioner Stalin, who picked up Vikings LB Ivan Pace just for him to get injured in the first quarter and put on IR with a bagel next to his name in the starting lineup in a rough Soviet loss. Love to see it
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Logan set a lineup man come on
.Week 14 PREVIEW
Boof v. Q - A huge game here with Brock trying to clinch the yogurt division and Q trying to do literally anything. For whatever reason we have a ton of week 14 byes, so look for utter chaos here as usual
The Sneaky Greek v. The Kosher Nostra - Big Mike has a playoff spot locked in and Zack is likely to make the wild card round, but this is a massive game for the Greeks as they try to sneak past Brock and take the East Division title and clinch that very critical first round bye. We’ll see if Zack can pull it off (unlikely)
Coach Rubs v. The Toll Booth - Psh. Best team in recent league history versus sketchy Logan who doesn’t set a lineup? Why did I even type this much. Nikki in fo’
Sloppy Joe v. The Law Firm - The Law Firm either scores 220 or 130, but he’s playing Joe so all he realistically needs to do is score 170 and he’s got it. Can he do it? Derrick Henry is on a bye so he'll need Nick Chubb to pull some kind of miracle off. Yeah ok
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Commissioner Stalin - A massive game here as the Ganja Farmers square off with the Soviets, both of whom need to win to clinch a playoff spot with the other team eliminated with the loss. Stalin has not beaten Djavan since literally 2018 (0-6 in that span), so I think we all know what’s gonna happen here