2024 Regular Season - Week 11
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 11 RECAP
The Toll Booth v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - The Brits are not holding back, with Nikki dropping over 200 points for her sixth (6th) time this season and absolutely burning the Ganja Farmers with a near-hundred point victory. Oh wait, Djavan started an injured guy - not that it would’ve mattered since his team collapsed entirely, but that’s not usually the way to take on the top team in the league when you need a win to catch up in a yogurt soft and even weaker than usual East Division while you’re riding a 3-game winning streak. Poor showings from usually consisten Kyren and Bijan spelled doom early for Djavan, who is now looking for another quarterback after superstar Danny Dimes was benched for 3rd string Tommy Cutlets. The Toll Booth is still atop the league as the one seed with a 9-2 record, while the Ganja Farmers are still trying to keep up and are now 5-6
Coach Rubs v. Sloppy Joe - Another week, another Sloppy Joe score of 167 points. Truly remarkable. Alas, his opponent this week was none other than Coach Rubs, the rootin’, tootin’, scootin’ Texan who hasn’t set a lineup in weeks as is at this point trying to pay trophy shipping. Logan actually did set a lineup this week, which didn’t matter because his team is so bad and he couldn’t break 150 and continues his losing streak that now extends to 6 games. Travis E-tienne and Tondal Schultz just couldn’t do it this week for the Texans, who struggle as usual and remain in the league basement at 2-9 and are still the league’s only mathematically eliminated team. Sloppy Joe gets yet another lucky win, and now sits just one game back of the division lead in the East with a 5-6 record. That record should never be even close to a division title, but maybe one day the teams in the East will learn ball. We can only hope
Commissioner Stalin v. Q - Back to back weeks of setting a lineup for the Queues turned out to be for naught as their second highest score of the season comes along with yet another L, this time at the hands of Commissioner Stalin. Q came into MNF feeling good and holding a relatively sizable lead, but Joe Mixon absolutely destroyed the Cowboys because they are terrible and got a big 34 point game for the Soviets to secure a much needed win. If Q started Patrick Queen he would’ve won, indicating yet again that defense does in fact matter, but what do I know I just work here. Miraculously, Q is still somehow alive for the playoffs and sitting 2 games back with his 3-8 record while the Soviets are 7-4 and trying to steal that top wild card seed away from the Kosher Nostra
The Law Firm v. The Kosher Nostra - The Law Firm came into this week off of a tough loss that snapped their 6-game winning streak and faced off against the Curds, who lost to Q in week 10 and needed to bounce back. In 7 of the 10 seasons both of these franchises have been in the league, the season series has ended in a sweep, and let’s make that 8 out of 11 as Big Mike absolutely dropped the gavel on Any, Esq. with a massive game from Big Dix Bo Nix leading the charge as Mike won by nearly 100 points. The Law Firm’s best scores came from Sammy Darnold and Josh Downs, which is usually a sign that you’re going to lose, but the rest of the team absolutely blew it en route to the Firm’s lowest score since week seven. The Kosher Nostra sweep will likely be huge when it comes to playoff seeding, as Mike sits at 8-3 after dropping Anthony to 6-5. Mathematically, Any can easily miss the playoffs if he’s not careful as he’s just one game ahead of the incredibly mediocre Sloppy Joe and the no-QB Greeks. Let’s go
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Boof v. The Sneaky Greek - Speaking of the Greeks, the Spartans put up their best showing of the season in the GOTW against division leader Boof Wellington with their first 200 point game of the year in a much needed win to keep their playoff hopes alive. Zack got a lucky draw here with injuries and byes forcing Brock to roll out Mac Jones at quarterback to counter Zack’s Anthony Richardson/Will Levis combo, and Brock just couldn’t keep up as Richardson ran for 2 scores to lead the Greeks to victory. Amazingly, Zack didn’t set a lineup here and started an injured George Kittle at tight end, but he equalled Brock’s TE score of 0 as Tucker Kraft produced an actual bagel despite playing in the game. Brock still leads the horrible East Division with a 6-5 record, but Zack is now 5-6 after the big win and just a single game back with three weeks to go
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Is it ever going to be anything else? Bo Nix, baby. Big Mike wins the Bold Play Award yet again
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
The Scoop of the Week goes to the Greeks for picking up Anthony Richardson and his 2 rushing touchdowns to secure a huge win. Did he have a choice? Not really, he has no QBs. Hell yeah
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Coach Rubs’ entire squad wins this award here in week 11, being unable to defeat Sloppy Joe and his very predictable 167. Logan’s gearing up for trophy shipping
.Week 12 preview
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Boof - Another East Division battle that will surely be boring, Brock comes in off a rough loss to Zack and Djavan is coming off of an absolute ass whooping by Nikki. DJ needs a win here to keep pace in the yogurt division, and needs Lamar to have a big day to help him get there
Sloppy Joe v. The Sneaky Greek - There’s only one real question here: can Zack score 170 points and get an easy win? Doubt it
Q v. Coach Rubs - I’ll just be happy if either one of these bush league teams sets a lineup
The Law Firm v. Commissioner Stalin - Gravy Bowl II would easily be the GOTW if we didn’t have the Nikki/Mike battle, but the league Italians both roll in with mediocre records and desperately trying to not collapse and lose a playoff spot to one of the yogurt teams in the east. The Law Firm is gonna wax the Soviets for sure
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Kosher Nostra v. The Toll Booth - The top two teams in the league come into battle here, with Nikki holding a one game lead over Big Mike for both the division and the one seed. Bring on the chaos